I love #autum🍂🍁🍂
I always have.
I love the freshness of the air.
The crispness of the cool mornings.
I love the change that it brings…everything is dying to be renewed in the spring.
This season of my life is definitely Autumn.
Everything is changing.
Like the leaves falling from the trees I am shedding my layers of anger, pain, guilt and frustration.
Like some trees I am desperately holding onto whatever I can before anymore storms come and blow more layers away.
Most days I am okay… More or less. I did a lot of grieving before he passed (that’s a post for a different day).
Sometimes though, I am in the middle of doing something and I just start crying.
This being a widow is #weirdshit
People treat me differently…like I am fragile and going to break.
Tiptoeing around me.
Afraid to talk to me about their lives.
Sometimes I just want to scream at them.
I am STILL me. I am STIL here. I am STILL moving forward…one baby step at a time.
I refuse to get stuck in place.
Some people have stopped talking to me altogether…maybe we that’s for the best.
I spent most of the last year in a marriage struggling to breathe…Hiding secrets, lying, in denial
That life is very lonely.
But being a widow is isolating.
In deep, and dark ways I never could’ve imagined.
If you are reading this, and you have found yourself a #widow (or #widower) I am sorry you are here. I am sorry you are apart of the #widowclub.